Tree Huggers Love God and Vote

     I am a tree hugging, God fearing, Tea Party sympathizer, gun toting Libertarian.  What does this mean?  This means that I love nature and along with studying scripture I can find God by standing in the middle of the woods.  I can be at home in a church, fellowship with others or hanging out with my husband around a bon fire banging on a drum.  We all must go by our own drum as God has made us perfect in his own way.    My worship of God combines all things with in my life.  My spiritual belief also drives how and who I vote for to help drive the country. 

     My political beliefs have changed with in the last few years.  This is true because I have opened my eyes to where the government has gone in the last Presidential election.  We are a country that fought for our freedoms from a government too far away to tell us how to live our lives.  This is why the United States government must stay small and the states should be allowed to continue to govern themselves.  In both the Tea Party movement and Libertarian Party small government is essential to the liberty of the nation’s people.  We enjoy the Freedom of Religion, Speech, to keep and bear arms, the right of due process, to not quarter a soldier during war without owner permission, shall not be subject to double jeopardy, speedy trial, right of trial( common law) excessive bail, rights by the constitution shall not be denied and state rights.  If we as a nation allow for the government to become too big then our rights given to us by God and the Bill of Rights seen fit by the founding fathers will soon disappear.   

     I have seen that all political parties have persons that express the small government rule of thumb.  It has been most prevalent in the Tea Party and Libertarian side of the Republican Party.  We as citizens have a responsibility with in the next couple of years to once again come together and remember our roots.  Yes, this country has made horrible mistakes, but we have fought both violent and non-violent to heal not only the land but its people.  For example, we went to war with one another with the country’s only Civil War to end slavery.  A man of God in name of Martin Luther King jr. fought with words to end segregation and to teach that we are all equal in the eyes of God.  It has taken men of God to heal this country.  We must go back to our faith to bring America to her exceptionalism once again.

Autism and Working Moms

     There are many parents who find that raising children can be stressful.  The stress can come from lack of sleep, eating habits, vaccinating, being a working parent or education.  Then parents might add another challenge that can prove to be stressful above all things.  The family stress may also come from having a child with Autism.  This stress may stem from siblings feeling unimportant as in the case of my daughter.  She often didn’t understand the extra parent/teacher conferences and the meltdowns.  As I have experienced myself with a child who has Autism.  It was stressful enough as a stay-at-home mom, yet when I divorced from my first husband I did not expect that my working relationship would interfere with my son and his battle with Autism.  For instance, in my personal situation my employer understood as long as it didn’t hurt the bottom line, but it was the policy that hurt the bottom line.  My former workplace had a policy that stated if the employee were absent then it was a point.  If the employee only worked half of the day then it was half the point.  The only person this hurt was me, although I had FMLA (Family Medical Leave Act) to cover the missing days it did not take away the points that I had gathered up.  It came to a head that I basically had to make a decision on whether or not keeping my job was more important than my son needing my help.  I chose my son.  It gains to reason that the FMLA law needs to state more specifically that employer policy cannot hurt the parent with a child who has special needs.  This is also true for parents whose children are often ill.  In my personal opinion if the employee is happy then so is the employer.  A blog by Melanie Schrader goes through the process of wanting work, but because of her many absences she eventually lost her job.  What do parents do?  Can there be other protections other than FMLA?  Do employers really follow the FMLA law?  The FMLA law is to truly protect the mom who is caring for a child with special needs.  There is no way around it as a single parent they have to work, but also want to do the best for their child who needs a little more care than an averages normal child. 

     One of the challenges for working moms who have children with special needs is leaving their job to deal with many of the problems that come with a child with Autism.  This was true for me as a former single mom.  One reason that myself and other moms had to leave work early is because of our children’s meltdowns or bathroom issues.  Autistic children will sometimes meltdown due to sensory overload or their brains cannot process that it’s time to potty.  Although, there is one safety for a working mom in FMLA which only provides temporary help in order to keep working.  It is not a long term fix.  It doesn’t protect the employee from the employers’ policy on being absent.  Melanie Schrader, who wrote a blog on the website Autism Speaks about her experience, knows all too well about trying to balance work and taking care of her son with Autism.  Melanie lost her job from being away from work too many times.  She picked her son up from school with illness or meltdowns as I have many times.  It would be helpful if employers would be compassionate for their employees with children, but they are only thinking of their productivity.  I was told by my boss that if I wasn’t as work the pharmacy wasn’t getting anything done.  This simply wasn’t true.  He was more worried about productivity than me as parent with FMLA and my stress levels were constantly up.  I worried constantly about my job, but I also needed to help my child.  This is where employers need to be more flexible.  For example in an article written by Zeyneb Ilgaz on the Forbes website she states that not only should employers provide child care, gym memberships to reduce stress, but also if a parent is being productive to trust that parent with flextime hours.  This means that the added stress of worrying about job placement because of not being at work for family obligations the parent can have a respectful balance.  It is important that parents working or not working understand that their Autistic child isn’t going to grow out of being Autistic It’s the first thing to understand when trying to balance family and working life.  I myself had to come to this realization early on in my family’s experience with Autism.  William is improving and growing, but he will always have Autism.  Aleva D. Martin sought advice from B.J. Freeman who said that as a parent she needed to stop rearranging her child’s schedule for the parent’s needs but to fit that child into the parent’s schedule.  It may also be a good option to be in business for one’s self in order to have more flexibility.  Although, both of these options are viable there is the question about single moms or those who don’t have the resources to go part time.  What happens with those parents who need to work a full time job?

     There seems to be a lot of things a working parent can expect from an employer when balancing career and life.  Although, I didn’t have the most sympathetic boss I did take advantage of the benefits of being employed.  I would schedule therapy appointments, IEP meetings and doctor appointments in advance.  This would be taken care of through paid time off.  There were times when I didn’t have the paid time off, so I did use FMLA which did guarantee that my job would be waiting for me.  It wasn’t enough for me or as I have mentioned before Melanie Schrader.  She was fired because of the in between moments when her son’s struggle with Autism would catch up with her at work.  I chose to quit and become a stay-at-home mom with the full knowledge that my family was forced to make some sacrifices.  What can employers do to keep productivity up and keep employees happy?  For example in a blog written by Ilisa Cohen she highlights several employers that have gained respect for working with their employees because they know life happens.  One of the most common solutions I have seen and read would be flex time.  This happens with my husband who works for CMR, a contractor for Cummins, in Columbus, Indiana.  When my husband needs to go to a IEP meeting for my step-son he is allowed to leave early or take the day off in order to attend to his son’s needs.  His employer doesn’t mind as long as his work is completed.  This is not only true for Barry, my husband, but for all employees regardless of whether they have special need children or not.  It is also for the case of Ray Acosta, manager of food services for Baptist Health South Florida who offers a flex schedule for employees who may need it.  Another employer who saw fit that it was more important to have a well-adjusted employee than just a warm body is Darrell Dryer from Hallmark Cards.  He reevaluated the position of Jayna Todisco who became a single mother and found she couldn’t work a full time job.  Her hours reduced and Mr. Dryer never expected anything but the best from his employees.  As she grew in her position she also accepted a promotion.  Darrell Dryer support flexible working schedules.   It comes to conclusion that a flexible work schedule just might be the thing that helps not only that parent with the special needs child, but all parents.  Let’s face it the working mom is usually the person that will be picking up the sick child or the child who has a meltdown because Obama is President.  I speak from personal experience.  My son had a complete fit because Obama is President.  There isn’t a right answer.  Do we ask a society of capitalist to give up the bottom line or do we risk our free society in putting more regulation in FMLA or the Disability Act?  I choose to have employers be more employees driven instead of productivity driven.  There are two reasons the most obvious is a that a happy employee creates a happy employer.  The second reason is that the cost of replacing an employee is not cost effective.  An employer can look at the examples above and fall in line with those at Hallmark, but they can also revamp their policy at work as Forbes suggest.  Alice Walton who wrote a blog for Forbes cited a poll from the University of Michigan that parents not only worry about their sick child, but worry about kids returning to child care or parent’s losing their job.  This new poll said that 62% of parents said that their child was too sick to return to child care or school and 38% had to miss work for at least three days.  This included the 42% of parents having to miss and stay-at-home and the 26% missing three days during the year.  Alice Walton suggests a kid’s sick day.  This would be added to the already personal time that working parents are accustomed to in most companies.  In the New Hampshire University Carsey Institute that parents often use paid time off and vacation days.  I as a parent with an Autistic child know this all too well.  I didn’t take time off while my children were on Christmas Break because I didn’t have the time to take off work.   This kid sick day would be included with paid time off, short or long term disability and FMLA.  The article suggest not only would the parent be happy but also the employer.  The cost of firing and replacing an employee would drop dramatically. 

     In conclusion, it is my hope that I have shown that employers need to be compassionate when looking at the parent with a special needs child.  If employers used the ideas of flex time such as Cummins and maybe institute a kid’s sick day then it would not only benefit the parent of a special needs child but also all other employees.  I am a firm believer that capitalism is the best economic system in the world.  It is when companies add compassion to the productivity that employers’ value will trickle down into home life for the family. 

 

 

 

 

Work Cited

Autism Society. “Stress-society.org” Web

Autism Speaks, “Your Child’s Rights” AutismSpeaks.org

Ilgaz, Zeynap, “Why Companies Should Focus on Working Parents Not Just Moms” Forbes.com 30, June 2014

Meyers, Seth Psy. D. “Pity Parents of Special Needs Children-Part One” psychologytoday.com

4, October 2013, Web

Maple, Sandy “Mothers of Autistic Children Suffer In the Workplace” Diacritical

Forbes.com 28, June 2010, Web

Shepeis, Carl, J. Dr. “Parenting a Child with Autism” Diacritical workingmother.com

Schrader, Melonie “Autism and Family Income: A Mom’s Story” Diacritical autismspeaks.org 19, March 2012, Web

Walton G. Alice, “Companies Would Benefit By Offering Better Kid Sick Days to Employees” Forbes.Com 31, October 2012, Web

 

 

The British Royal Family (The Firm)

     On July 29, 1981, I watched as the Lady Diana Francis Spencer married HRH Prince Charles the Prince of Wales.  The local news network played the coverage all day as I sat in front of the TV in awe of this beautiful and mysterious privileged life.  The research that I did on a group of people remind me of how I loved to read about each of the members and history of this family.  I never thought of the way this family lived.  I wanted to explore their spiritual, protocol and their sense of duty that surrounds this family.

     One of the first things that I included in my experience was what kind of meal the Queen of England and her family might eat.  I started with the obvious of Fish and Chips.  I went to a Scottish restaurant called McNivens.  I know that the Royal Family is from England, but the Queen of England is the constitutional Head of State of many countries.  A few of these countries consist of, United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, (includes England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland) Australia, and Canada.  Secondly, I went to the Christ Church Cathedral.  This experience was very personal to me because as a child being an Episcopalian meant that I was a step closer to Diana Princess of Wales.  The Episcopal Church here in America is the equal to the Anglican Church in England.  This experience was an important aspect because the Queen not only has her Parliament, but also is the head of the Church of England.  I was especially thrilled because the ceremony of the Anglican Church has a special significance to the faith of those who belong to the church.    In the Faith of the Anglican Church each part of the ritual means something to the Body of Christ.  The music provides for the congregation to come together as one.  The incense depending on the season provides the atmosphere that there is something important going on.  All of the smells and activity of Mass leads the congregation to a higher calling.  This may help those of the Royal Family to also look to a higher power other than themselves.  Maybe it’s a reminder that God put the Royal Family in their place of power. 

    One of the most complicated Monarchs to grace the throne of England was King Henry VIII.  He is controversial because of his six marriages.  These women either divorced from the King as in Katherine of Aragon and Anne of Cleves.  Of course, there were the many wives of the King who suffered a fate of beheading.  It was the divorce of Katherine of Aragon, so that he can marry Ann Boleyn that created what we now know as the Church of England.  Henry VIII created himself the head of the Church of England in order to marry Ann Boleyn.  This produced strife between him and the Catholic Church in Rome.  The pope at the time excommunicated the King and his split with the church in Rome was complete.  The Monarch of today is still the Head of the Church of England.  She regularly meets with the clergy. The priest and bishops all take the allegiance oath to the Queen.  In her coronation as will Prince Charles and Prince William they will take an oath to defend the church.   The Royal Family today regularly attends church and it is part of their lives.  For instance, as seen in the Movie “The Queen” the clergy ask Queen Elizabeth II if he should mention Diana Princess of Wales, but because she was trying to protect her grandsons, Diana’s children, she said no.  Her thought was that it would only upset the boys and it was after all a private matter.  She takes her position seriously as head of the church, but maybe not as seriously as her ancestor.  The beheadings after all do not have a place in England.

     The Royal Family has been described not as a family but as “The Firm” as told by HRH King George of England.  I particularly remember this when watching the movie the “The King’s Speech.”  This is evident in the royal engagements that the royal family takes on sometimes on a daily basis.  Although, the Queen is almost ninety Prince Charles and Prince William have taken on more royal engagements.  Although, we as an adoring public see only the royal engagements the Queen has more responsibilities.  As the Queen of England is the head of the church she also is the head of Parliament and she is considered a Constitutional Monarch.  She is also the head of the England’s armed forces in which many members including her have served.  Her role in the Government is mostly symbolic.  She holds regular meetings with the Prime Minister and the Chief of Defense Staff and single service staff.  I was surprised to find out the Queen is the only person to declare war.  This is an old tradition, yet in this day in age it is done with the advice of her ministers.  The Queen and her family provide as central figures in the pride, unity and identity as a nation.   It may seem that they live a life that is spoiled, but they take the gift that Parliament and the British people provide for them and do their best to give back through military service and volunteer work.

     There are many ways I have found that we can take a look at what it means to be a part of this lifestyle.  This is through the veil of movies.  The two best movies are, “The Kings Speech” and “The Queen.”  In these movies while surrounding a serious part of the families’ life there is still protocol that must be followed.  For instance, the movie “The Kings Speech” dealing with the speech responding to Hitler’s attacks on England.  The speech therapist pushes boundaries of addressing King George VI.  He learns how to address the Queen Elizabeth, mother of the then future Queen Elizabeth II, as Her Royal Highness first then ma’am as in ham.  The king’s speech therapist pushes his boundaries while discussing the matter of his older brother, King Edward VIII abdicating his throne to marry Wallace Simpson.  It was treason to suggest that the then Duke of York could assume the throne.  In today’s world protocol may not be as ridged as in the late 1930s.  In this day and age how should one address a member of the royal family? 

     We all know that it is a curtsey for women and a neck bow for men. The official website of the British Monarchy says that it truly is just a curtesy. The official website of the British Monarchy says that it truly is curtesy.      As the blogger, Martin, for Royal Central points out   that there are certain things that the Queen of England herself has said needs to happen at all time.  What is the protocol that is used needs to happen at all time?  What do you do in the presence of the Queen of England? 

    The protocol that is used for just being in the presence of the royal family is part of the appeal. The history starts from the belief that God is responsible for the Monarch’s station in life.  This is a status that deserves reverence.   As blogger, Martin, for Royal Central points out that there are certain things that the Queen of England herself has done away with, but also has kept. For instance, the Queen has asked that the tradition of walking backward when one is leaving audience with Her Majesty is not observed.  Martin from Royal Central does point out that there is still some protocol that exists.  For example, one is to address the monarch as Your Majesty then later as sir or ma’am.  Another example is at a state dinner that if the Queen is finished then all plates including dinner guest are cleared.  It is known that she is a quick eater, so there is a side salad in order to give guest time to finish their meal.  Of course, if the Queen is your monarch you must curtsey or bow.  The Australian Prime Minister is said not to curtsey, even though the Queen is her head of state.  Then there is the controversy that Michelle Obama took some liberties and put her arm around the Queen during a photo op.  The younger royals observe less royal protocol than their elders.  The Duke of Cambridge, Prince William, it has been told that he prefers to be called William.  This may change when it is his turn to be King of England. 

     In conclusion, the British Royal Family does live a life of privilege, but hopefully I have shown that it’s a life that is much more.  The Queen and her family are much more than just a select few that have the opportunity to a life of wealth.  They are servants.  “The Firm” as their former King George VI affectionately or not called the family serves the British people.  The Queen serves her government and volunteers her service to charities that are of importance.  She has also served in the military as well as Princes Charles, William and Harry.  My favorite royal is Princess Diana because of her charity work and it is her son Harry that has carried the torch.  It is especially true with his service in Afghanistan and to other service men and women.  This family is much more than royalty.  They are a service God and their fellow man.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                          

 

 

 

 

References

Martin (2013, January 1) “Is Royal Protocol Relevant” Royal Central.co.uk Morgan, Peter (Writers) Frears, Stephan (Director) Harris, Andy (Producer).  (2006)

     The Queen (USA)

Seilder, David (Writer) Hooper, Tom (Director) Weinstein (Producer) (2010)

     The King’s Speech (USA)

www.royal.gov.uk “The British Monarchy” “The Queen and Her Government” “The Queen and the Church” “The Queen and Royal Armed Forces” “Greeting the Queen”

 

Childhood Memories

     In my Communication class I have the opportunity to do research on the British Royal Family.  My task is to research this family and way of life as a sub-culture.  It has brought me closer to my faith with in the Anglican faith.  My husband and I went to the Christ Church Episcopal Church.  This experience started out as research, but I began to feel what I felt like as a child marveling at all that was going on within the service.  The ritual brought a spiritual oneness.  In the mass all movements from the bowing to the cross and the Holy Bible to the Communion of the body of Christ all has a reason.  The reason brings the parishioners to humble God.  This same ritual is shown through out the lives of the those who belong to the British Royal family.  This is only a part of why I loved the Episcopal Church.

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A Week of Personal Journey

     What can I say about family life?  The first thing that brings to mind is that I am grateful to God for the blessings that has been bestowed to my family.  I have four wonderful children.  My little geniuses Triptyn and William are making all As and Bs.  They are both are on the honor roll. Abby is as sweet as she can possibly be.  Matthew is a teenager.  I am still trying to figure it all out.  Barry and I are as in love as ever.  We are all happy.  We do have our worries and challenges.  Because we are all happy as parents and as a married couple mom and dad need a break. 
     I was feeling rather guilty that I need a break from life as a parent.  My kids have went to their dad's house. (William wasn't exactly excited about it)  He and I have so much fun together just watching movies.  His love for Dr. Who has rubbed off on me.  Squirrel Moment!  Triptyn and Matthew will be with their moms.  It will be a perfect week to get a lot of things done around the home and go to school with out trying to worry about where everyone is going to be. This week I plan to catch up on reading for History and Communications, get the house cleaned up and start prep work to store food and supplies.  I know that sounds crazy but the Mormons have the right idea about being prepared.  I want to research survival skills.  The best skill would probably be to hunt and prepare what I have caught to eat.  Shannon would have never had thought I would ever be writing that last sentence.  I am also wanting to go to the shooting range and learn to shoot. 
     I am also in need to read several books.  Dana Loesch's new book "Hands Off My Gun" is coming out next week.  Then I need to also read the book "America: Imagine the World Without Her" by Dinesh DeSooza.  The end of the week will end with a camping trip with my wonderful husband.  Yes it will probably be chilly but Barry makes the best fires.  I really can't wait.  I also want to visit with friends and start my research project on the British Royal family as a sub-culture.  This is my to-do list, so I will update all my readers on this week of personal journey.

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Healing with Writing

 I began writing at an early age when my mother bought my first journal.  My handwriting wasn’t the best, but I enjoyed journaling.  I could sit in my room with my flowery felt journal and write about my fears, joys and concerns.  It soon became a nightly ritual.  This was a ritual that I would continue as I got older when my fears and concerns seemed to plague me more frequently.  It also was a time when I learned that writing had become my own private therapy session.

     My writing as a child was filled with the concerns of a child.  I was a peculiar little girl.  I loved to write and read when my peers were playing dolls.  My time was spent reading about Princess Diana and writing in my journal wishing that I could meet her.   I was also not much of a talker and rather shy because of teasing from kids in the neighborhood.  The taunts were the usual you’re fat, stupid and ugly.  My feeling often was hurt rather easily because I could not understand why others did not love me as my parents loved me.  There were times that I could not talk to my mom in words about the teasing, so her advice was I could write her a letter.  Her advice also worked in my coping skills with being teased when I was a child.  The teasing was simple, but it hurt all the same.  It was hard for me to understand why others hurt me and didn’t love me when my parents love me unconditionally.  I started to create my own world through writing short stories. 

     In my stories I was able to do what I was unable to do in real like.  My life was filled in adventures that where a little girl could be anything she wanted to be in life.  I was a princess, figure skater and a gymnast.  My room was a mecca of make believe through writing and acting out.  In my pink walls that were my bedroom of sacred space I was loved outside of my parents love.  I cherished the love of my parents, but my desire to have that best girlfriend would sometimes be overwhelming.  I was a deeply feeling little girly that grew up to be an even more so young lady. 

      My life in high school became more of a creative time for me.  In high school I was still awkward socially and continued to escape through my love for reading and writing.  My escape into reading took me to the world of royal love matches.  For example, I read about King Henry VIII and his six wives and the love story and scandal of Charles and Diana.  I added another outlet through music and marching band.  I found my group of peers and a best friend that I have now known for over 25, years.   There were times when I didn’t need these coping methods, but I would be tested once more in the ways that I would once more need to express my fears, concerns and joys.  I wish I could focus on the joys, but the trials of life are what make life worth living.

     I met my ex-husband when I was working as a pharmacy tech.  He was nice, charming, loving, and sweet.  We were good together and married in July of 2001.  When we came home as husband and wife his guard quickly faded.  I thought that I could cope.  We were not having fun anymore and among my worries if things were going to get better I became pregnant with my son.  In the mist of this unsure thing that I had with my ex-husband I had a son that I loved unconditionally.  My writing was starting to creep into my life because I needed to be heard even if I were the only reader.  I finally noticed that my voice was once again silent after the birth of my daughter.  I would talk with my girl friends who were substitutes for the confidant that I needed from my ex-husband.  My journal writing got me away from the sometimes constant emotional abuse.  I made to feel degraded by never feeling good enough and the constant questioning of choices that I would make.  These questions would turn into insults that never seemed to stop.  I would cave and do what he need of me, yet I walked on egg shells through most of my ten year marriage.  The two things that I was able to keep stable were my relationship with my children and my journal writing.  In this moment in my life it was therapy.  When I was free from feeling trapped I would still continue to write.  I needed to heal and think freely.   This ability to heal and think freely through journal writing works really well for me.  My writing was only journaling. I have learned that I have a voice and now blog about my hopes as a mom and a citizen of the United States.

       When I write I can scream, curse, be angry and eventually be at peace with my path in life.  I was at peace with myself when I was blessed with my husband and step children.  This peace has continued because now I write with the happiness of being joyful with my new life.

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College and Life in General

     My life as a college student started in May.  I was trying to trying to keep my job.  It was something of great stress for me in the previous three years.  My head was spinning of the many words that I had for my boss at that moment.  The words "Fuck You" came across my mind several times.  This place was work place hell, but in some strange way I loved what I was doing there.  I had good friends and nothing could beat getting a call from the prison nurses that needed refills or information on a patient.  Then there were the times that I got a call from those nurses who just wanted to talk.  I may not have been the fastest on the computer but when I got a call from a nurse or the pharmacy needed help in my mind I really did kick serious ass.
     There I was sitting in my bosses' office and being told that I had two weeks to become super fast or I was fired.  I immediately called my husband and my mouth was moving faster than my head. All I heard from Barry, "It's going to be ok!"  I thinking the worst of every situation thought, "How was this going to be ok?  Where was I going to find the strength to get through this?"  I clocked out at the end of the day and went home.  The next morning I called in for a mental day and again called my husband.  I told him or he told me I really can't remember that I needed to quit.  The work place hell was becoming too much for me physically, emotionally and I was bringing the stress home.  It had become unhealthy, so I quit.  In further conversation Barry reminded me what I had continued to tell him about wanting to go back to school.  He said that I needed to just do it.  I went to Ivy Tech that day and started the ball rolling.  I had no idea that it was so easy to get school loans and a pell grant.  I had signed up for History, Music Appreciation and the Ivy Tech course.  It was a new life for me.
     It was the summer semester when I started my classes.  A couple of things that surprised me. I was not alone being the old lady in class.  In my History class there were people older than myself.  It takes a lot of courage to walk into a class room at seventy years old and know that you are the oldest person among twenty year olds.  These students seemed to be the most dedicated. I would now like to say I am not seventy.  I am forty.  
     I would also look around and see myself twenty years ago.  There were kids that didn't want to be in class, the motivation was gone and maturity was no where to be seen.  I could only think that one day they will be in my shoes trying to this all over again. 
     I ask myself what is the one piece of advice that I could give a young person that isn't ready for University.  There is nothing in the book of life(like there is actually a book)that says college has to come after high school.  There are many things that one could do after high school.  The first and probably most important is get a job.  The adventure doesn't come to us free, so you need to make money.  Secondly, go travel and have the adventure outside of mom and dad's protection.  Of course, carry with you all that you have learned from those who loved you and cared for you and travel with safety. Thirdly, find out who you are within yourself.  It doesn't matter what people think of you. It matters what you think of you.  I am going to add something to that last statement.  This doesn't mean anything unless you have Faith.  I am not talking about Religion because that is man made.  I am talking about Faith in God and the relationship that will surface in your darkest moments.  I could not have gotten married, had kids, got divorced, got married again if Faith wasn't in the picture.  Find your Faith because it can only get better.  There will be times of darkness but the light will come.  Only darkness can turn into lite.  The adventure of my life has only gotten better.  The darkness that I once feared shut off and it may come back.  It can also be turned on because the lite never goes away. 

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Marriage Bliss

     I have had the best year.  My children are doing well and on September 7, 2014, I will be married to my best friend for one year.  He is not only my best friend. He is the love of my life.  I am about to impart a piece of advice that I hope all who read this will take to heart.  It's just not that important to be right.  I know that Barry and I have a family theme.  What is this theme you ask?  It's not unique and it shows how my husband does honor me by spoiling me to the ends of the Earth. "Barry is the King of his home, but answers to the Queen and we all answer to the Princess."  Yes, I am in charge of the home.  This is just something silly that we came up with one day.  What does this say about marriage in general? 
     I will take you to the Bible.  I hope that you aren't clicking out on me.  The bible in Ephesians 5:22, says that I should submit to my husband and that Barry should love me and care for me as Christ loves and cares for me.  I believe that this is for all persons of all faiths.  We should love one another and submit to one another.  Barry truly does love and care for as the divinity that I pray to loves and cares for me.  I do my best to do the same for him. 
     Barry shows me each day that he makes my life a little better each day.  He truly honors me each day.  I hope and pray that I am there for him as he is there for me.  There is not a day that I don't feel special to him.  Have we had our struggles?  Yes.  We are humans, yet there has never been a time where we have blamed each other regardless of the issue at the time. Here are three things that I have learned about marriage.

I. Love one another as God loves you

II. Never put blame on your spouse.  Blame along with anger doesn't solve anything.

III. Honesty.  What can it hurt?  If you are honest there are no surprises when trouble does arrive.  It's okay to make mistakes because we are humans and we are not perfect.  Honesty and love will bring out the best in both parties.

Our Family's Battle with Autism

    My son is eleven years old and has been learning to live with Autism since we started our journey when he was two.  I myself may have some Autistic similarities, so it was my prayer during pregnancy that my children would not struggle in school.  It was the prayer that I would express because I had such a rough time in school.  When he was born there were no indication that he would have Autism or any special needs.  His early years were pretty normal for a little guy.  It was after his 18 month vaccination that I started noticing that he was no longer babbling or using the words that he learned.  His gross motor skills were progressing, but his verbal progression was slowing down.  His sleep patterns had never been on schedule.  Also, his eating had started to be more picky.  In this time my family added a new member in the family with my daughter Abby.  I was so lucky that she slept during the night progressed in all the areas of gross and verbal skills.  It helped me to concentrate on my son's needs. 
     We started first steps and he began to talk.  He was always a good brother and played well with his sister.  He also played well with the children of the Mom's Time Out group that we attended through church.  There were other concerns such as his inability to transition to other activities and his temper.  These two thing were because he could not properly communicate with me.  When he was starting to verbalize more then the temper go better.  It's only been recently that something seems to have clicked.  Things are better at home and school. I can tell you what did help and what I believe does not help. 
     I am not a Jenny McCarthy fan, gluten free, organic buying or vaccination free mom.  I WILL NOT MEDICATE MY SON!!!!  The first avenue that I don't think that has helped with moms who have children of special needs especially Autism is Jenny McCarthy.  She is a actor and I can't remember what she has done professionally and that shows how much I care about her.  Now what I do care about is when she learned of a doctor in England who abdicated for non vaccinations of children because the mercury in the vaccinations were what he thought the link to Autism.  Let me say that those in position of influence need to be careful of what causes they take on without research. I say this because I have taken my kids home because of meeting a mom who listened to Jenny McCarthy and did not vaccinate her children.  I got the gross factor. Sorry if that's judgmental my children will not get anything that has be basically eradicated.  Well let's get this straight I asked my doctor, who I had known since I was 13, and my son's pediatrician about this and they both called "Bullshit".  This wasn't the word that they used but William's pediatrician was really annoyed because of the threat that this on a whole threatened the community as a whole.  For example, think about the epidemics that we have eradicated with vaccinations. There is less of a chance to get small pox, polio or measles.  It was discussed between myself and the pediatrician that if parents stopped having kids get vaccinated that there will be more cases of diseases that this country had eradicated.
    A fellow mom told me to go gluten free or organic.  Well let me tackle each subject with my experience with my child.  Are you kidding me?  Really?  If I give my son a chicken nugget that is supposedly organic or gluten free and it doesn't look like what he thinks it should look like then you can just forget it.  He will not eat it.  These two food choices are extremely expensive.  I rather he eat what I have given him which I have tweaked in order to give his meal nutritional value.  My son is healthy and that all that counts. 
   What has helped my son?  I have said before that we started with First Steps that consisted of speech and developmental therapy.  This was an amazing start.  William also went to developmental pre school.  I believe that the real work began with behavior with parents and teachers.  This was consistency.  When the kids and I moved to Greenwood last year we found a good IEP team that truly wanted to help and be consistent.  This year our work has really shown with a change in behavior.  There has to be consistency in school and at home.  I believe that one of my parental abilities that I had to overcome was discipline. I could not be afraid to discipline William.  The speech therapist from First Steps had given me a great piece of advice.  As a mom I am to discipline as if he didn't have any special needs. Another thing that I would write is that schedule however lightly followed helps a great deal.  Its the consistency of life that these kinds like.  William knows what's coming.  When I know that we are going to deviate then I will let William know.  I also let him know what I expect of him because there are no excuses.  Yes, he does get more of a pass if he is feeling stressed.  If I know that he knows better then it's time for me to step in and give correction.  It is my belief that any child can be taught and can be expected to act in a way that is befitting to a good young man. 
    In conclusion, our progress is because of consistency in schedule and discipline at home and school.  It hasn't been perfect and I am in no way a perfect mom.  I know what works well for my child.  There are moms that will do things differently and that's ok.  All kids are different even if a child is on the spectrum.  All moms will do things differently.  We are rearing members of this country that will carry on long after we are gone.  Let's do the best we can now.

Crap Robin Williams died

My favorite comedian outside of Bill Cosby was found dead this morning from an apparent suicide.  I would like to share my favorite joke of all time.  I would watch this stand up routine and marvel that he was talking about my people.  Did you just look at me weird?  Well before I was a NRA card carrying, tree hugging hippie, Libertarian, Tea Party sympathizer I was an Episcopalian.  It's just like Robin Williams said, "Catholic Light!"  Enjoy.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sUazVworSU


Thank you

William's Journey

     My son was born on October 1, 2002, at 7lb 7oz.  In that moment I wanted to be every part of his life.  I was looking forward to every moment.  There were moments that I was not prepared for in the journey ahead.  When I brought him home there were so many things I didn't expect.  I read the books that I needed to read.  These moments for William and I consisted of sleeping habits, eating issues, and speaking.   
     William did not sleep.  When I say he didn't sleep I wasn't joking.  I think that maybe he got a few hours each night.  Yes, that was normal for a newborn because he took long naps.  There were other moms telling me that things would get better.  It did not get better.  I often wondered what I was doing wrong.  I would read about eating and daily schedules for my child.  My son would not have nothing to do with it.  Then there was teething and I had just expected that this was going to be our normal life.  We continued on and eventually when he was two he did start to get some sleep.  In this time we added a new life to his world.  His baby sister Abigail arrived in July 22, 2004.  I had received better mommy advice than I had before.  If she was tired I let her sleep.  I didn't wake her up to nurse as much as I did with William.  If she was hungry she would wake up.  I started bedtime routine early with her and she was sleeping all night at 3 months old.  I was blessed because I still had some things to figure out what William was doing. 
     I was noticing that although William was 2, he wasn't speaking.  He would say hi, mama and dada.   It was time for his yearly doctor visit and we were referred to First Steps.  It was a difficult time for us because I was so sensitive in regards to my ability as a mother.  I knew that this was our answer, but the kids' father said that we could do this ourselves.  We were not speech therapist nor were we doctors.  We finally were able to start our journey.  In one year William was coming from just a few words to a whole vocabulary to the point that I finally knew what he wanted and needed from me.  It was the best thing in the world to hear his voice.  I loved it. 
     In this process William was attending developmental preschool.  He took to it right away.   He learned to talk really well.  I am still amazed about where we are now.  I say this because it was so hard for me to watch him struggle with his words and his temper.  The temper came about when he didn't have the words.  I can not imagine what is going on in his brain.  The temper did not show up in school until about the 2nd grade.  It was just baffling to me.   It was at the end of his preschool time that I think was the hardest for me.  The school psychologist pointed out that there were some similarities to the what was described on the high functioning Autism spectrum.  This not only explained the difficulties in toilet training, speech and eating habits. 
     If the Zombie Apocalypse would happen I would be really concerned with my children's ability to survive.  I say this because William doesn't venture out of his comfort zone of chicken nuggets, hot dogs, mac & cheese, mashed potato, French fries, corn and apple sauce.  He also likes rice and ground turkey.  I will chop up green peppers to put in the turkey corn and rice mixture.  I have put in sweet potato puree' in the mac & cheese or cauliflower in the mashed potato.  I have to get pretty creative with a picky eater.   I would worry so much about this, yet now he seems to be trying new things.  He will tell you what he thinks.  For instance, he tried a omelet the other day.  His word to describe his experience was, "disgusting."  He now like hamburger and pepperoni pizza.  Now he eats the hamburger first then his bun and the pizza will get picked apart and the crust will not be touched.  He will eat a bread stick.  It's something that I am still trying to wrap my brain around it.  He is starting trying new things so we are making progress.
     Through all that we have been through with divorce, moving to a new home and starting a new family with Barry.  We are now at a place where I am not worried anymore.  He is doing well in school and at home.  He has fun with his brothers and sister.   In everything during this journey I look at what I was taught when I was William's age that God doesn't give us what we can't handle.      

Homework Lee Family Style

     Barry and I were married in September 2013, as I have said in previous post.  This most logical union ( I must pause and say that there will be Star Trek references) added to my already wonderful family.  I now have in my possession four children instead of just two.  There is my step-son Matthew 17, William 11, Abby 10, and my step-son Triptyn 10.  The fun fact about Abby and Trip is they were born a day apart.  The point of this is imagine what homework must be like for our family.  It can be stressful and rewarding.  The stress comes in when I realize that kids are slower when homework is due.  The reward play into this family event when they actually want to go bed.  My son William never wants to go to bed, but  has matured over the summer.  He seems to understand that if going to bet at a more appropriate time then he will by chance have a good day tomorrow.  It has become a welcomed change rather than the "5 more minutes?".  It's hard to turn down the most gorgeous eyes that has ever come across my gaze.  I had to say NO!  It was worth it to see the fruit of my resolve to kids who understood that sleep is a must.
     May I say that I can't believe that kids are doing the basic form of Algebra in the 6th grade.  I just remember trying to learn fractions.  It's been my goal to pay close attention because my son gets it.  He gets the order of things, but when he is against showing his skills he rather choose bedtime than completing homework.  I could honestly say that I could see the struggle in his face rather the struggle to just find something else to do instead of homework.  I can relate to this because if I sat at the dinning room table long enough my parents would either make things easier or just tell me to go to bed.  I am trying not to go that route, yet understand the temptation.  Why is it that when homework isn't welcomed kids seem to go slower?
     Abby has told me everyday since she had homework that she would like to do it after dinner.  We were finishing up dinner tonight.  She came up to me, told me that it was time to do homework and Barry sat down and helped her with the "Common Core" math.  Common Core is a topic for another day.  When did these kids become responsible adults?  I don't mean that they are perfect because perfect they are not.  The have made the connection with homework and bedtime equals the following good day.  I am proud and amazed at these people that I have loved me through all things these last few years. 

Blessings to you,
Natalie

Faith, Love and Star Trek

     It has been quit the journey these past few years.  My family life has changed leaps and bounds.  In many ways the changes were sad, yet many doors have opened for me and my family.  Where do I begin?  It's wise to start in Dec. 2010.  It was the start of my freedom and a course to my now blessed life. 
     My ex-husband, Bill, came home from work one evening.  I didn't have dinner on the table and struggling to get the kids to start bedtime routine.  Also, I was trying to straighten up the house in order to not hear his critical attitude towards me for the hundredth time.  I remember it so well and can see it in my head.  It was the moment that I have been avoiding.  I told Bill that I was sick and asked if he could give the kids a bath.  His response to me was the pinnacle of our entire marriage.  "They like you better."  In my head, "Are you fucking kidding me? You are their father!"  I am shouting in my head and unable to speak because I knew I would be called stupid and crazy.  Then I go to the kitchen to clean up the after dinner mess.  All I hear is Bill once again complaining about work.  He constantly did this and blamed others for his issues.  I turned around and said, "When will you stop complaining about work?"  Then that was it and I knew what I had done.  It was a nerve that I had tapped.  I continue to do what I need to do.  When I sat down practically in tears and sicker than a dog Bill informed me that he thought it was best that we should separate.  The words didn't hit me for awhile because it hit my heart before my head realized what he was saying.  I can't remember what happened.  I know we still slept in the same bed and the kids went to bed that night as normal.  What happened the next day was a blur because I know I told my mom.  I find that we as women will tell our moms and girlfriends before the world.  I told my mom in fear because I felt that I had failed.  This set the tone for his attitude towards me the next three years to the present day.  It was my hope that we were able to get along but I don't pay attention to those who find me a second class citizen.  I have racked my brain as to why he was controlling and emotionally abusive.  It is unfortunate that he is unable to parent with me.  He parents the way he thinks that he should parent and that I should follow suit.  I will continue to do my best.  I know I am doing well when I have children that respect me and others and do well in school.  My ex continues to try to tell me who he thinks I should be as a mother.  What do I have to say to that?  "Your ship has sailed maybe you should go catch it." 
      The first date is a creature all it's own.  Now I had a lot of first dates during the time after the divorce.  I have two favorite first date stories.  The first one is just creepy and then there is the one where I was called short.  I had joined a online dating site.  There were some real winners.  I am not talking #WINNING!  I accepted a meeting with this guy we will call Bob.  Bob had his own business and that was a start.  He had a job.  In his emails on the site he seemed like he was decent guy.  I go to Starbucks.  It's where I meet people in person for the first time.  This isn't exactly true.  The first date where I was called short was different. Anyway, we will get back to that soon.  Bob paid for my mocha and we talked and share stories.  Then I noticed that he didn't have half of his fingers.  I can put up with a lot and consider myself a tolerant person.  I forget the story that he told me because I had made a decision that I didn't want to see him again.  Oh!  He talked funny too.  It was just weird.  I said I had to go and stepped outside.  He continues to talk and he has a white work van.  Did I mention the creep factor?  We are standing outside and it's chilly.  He asked if I was cold and before I could answer he pointed to his van, "Let's go sit in my van and warm up."  My friends who know me know that I can at times bring a situation to a whole new level and think the worst.  My answer was "NO!!!!!"  I did not speak to him again.  Can you imagine what was truly going on in his van?
      Do you ever have the moment where you wish you could just turn around, but there's a free meal involved?  This is the date I will never forget.  I believe blessed by God who I think has this sense of humor that we as humans don't find very funny.  HAHA!!!  I meet Barry.  We love politics, movies and Star Trek.  He introduced me to "Nine Inch Nails" and he has  maybe a forced appreciation of Broadway musicals.  Did I say forced?   Poor guy.  We talked on the phone and I thought that this will be fun.  He actually talks.  We meet at El Sol's Mexican restaurant.  He walks in and I stand up thinking in my head, "He's cute."  He pats me on my head and says, "You're short."  I thought well it's a free meal and he later tells me that he really thought that he blew it and knew that he would not hear from me again.  In this journey I remember deciding that never again will I try to change for a person that I consider a friend and lover.  I let every thing go.  I believe that I did a lot a first date blunders.  I was completely honest.  We talked about our exes, money and what we will and will not do.  I did this because I was for sure we weren't going to see each other again.   Guess what?  It was the best wedding ever on September 7 2013, I married my best friend.  The wedding was exactly what we wanted with Star Trek insignias and music.   This man loves me with everything that comes with me.  He accepts the entire package.  I will love him forever.   
     We have blended our families rather well.  The kids are amazing with one another and we truly are a family.  I have often thought what makes things seem so easy.  Barry has started a new job and I have quit my job.   I am going back to school.  Things are tight but what makes this so easy is that we are not putting on blame and we approach all things with love.  It is faith, love and Star Trek.  LOL!!!    Ladies do not accept below average know that you are loved by God.  The person that you will marry should love you as God loves you.  You should do the same.  I feel this everyday.  I am blessed.

Blessings to you,
Natalie :)