There are many parents who find that
raising children can be stressful. The
stress can come from lack of sleep, eating habits, vaccinating, being a working
parent or education. Then parents might
add another challenge that can prove to be stressful above all things. The family stress may also come from having a
child with Autism. This stress may stem
from siblings feeling unimportant as in the case of my daughter. She often didn’t understand the extra
parent/teacher conferences and the meltdowns.
As I have experienced myself with a child who has Autism. It was stressful enough as a stay-at-home
mom, yet when I divorced from my first husband I did not expect that my working
relationship would interfere with my son and his battle with Autism. For instance, in my personal situation my
employer understood as long as it didn’t hurt the bottom line, but it was the
policy that hurt the bottom line. My
former workplace had a policy that stated if the employee were absent then it
was a point. If the employee only worked
half of the day then it was half the point.
The only person this hurt was me, although I had FMLA (Family Medical
Leave Act) to cover the missing days it did not take away the points that I had
gathered up. It came to a head that I
basically had to make a decision on whether or not keeping my job was more
important than my son needing my help. I
chose my son. It gains to reason that
the FMLA law needs to state more specifically that employer policy cannot hurt
the parent with a child who has special needs.
This is also true for parents whose children are often ill. In my personal opinion if the employee is
happy then so is the employer. A blog by
Melanie Schrader goes through the process of wanting work, but because of her
many absences she eventually lost her job.
What do parents do? Can there be
other protections other than FMLA? Do
employers really follow the FMLA law?
The FMLA law is to truly protect the mom who is caring for a child with
special needs. There is no way around it
as a single parent they have to work, but also want to do the best for their
child who needs a little more care than an averages normal child.
One
of the challenges for working moms who have children with special needs is
leaving their job to deal with many of the problems that come with a child with
Autism. This was true for me as a former
single mom. One reason that myself and
other moms had to leave work early is because of our children’s meltdowns or
bathroom issues. Autistic children will
sometimes meltdown due to sensory overload or their brains cannot process that
it’s time to potty. Although, there is
one safety for a working mom in FMLA which only provides temporary help in
order to keep working. It is not a long
term fix. It doesn’t protect the
employee from the employers’ policy on being absent. Melanie Schrader, who wrote a blog on the
website Autism Speaks about her experience, knows all too well about trying to
balance work and taking care of her son with Autism. Melanie lost her job from being away from
work too many times. She picked her son
up from school with illness or meltdowns as I have many times. It would be helpful if employers would be
compassionate for their employees with children, but they are only thinking of
their productivity. I was told by my
boss that if I wasn’t as work the pharmacy wasn’t getting anything done. This simply wasn’t true. He was more worried about productivity than
me as parent with FMLA and my stress levels were constantly up. I worried constantly about my job, but I also
needed to help my child. This is where
employers need to be more flexible. For
example in an article written by Zeyneb Ilgaz on the Forbes website she states
that not only should employers provide child care, gym memberships to reduce
stress, but also if a parent is being productive to trust that parent with
flextime hours. This means that the
added stress of worrying about job placement because of not being at work for
family obligations the parent can have a respectful balance. It is important that parents working or not
working understand that their Autistic child isn’t going to grow out of being
Autistic It’s the first thing to understand when trying to balance family and
working life. I myself had to come to
this realization early on in my family’s experience with Autism. William is improving and growing, but he will
always have Autism. Aleva D. Martin
sought advice from B.J. Freeman who said that as a parent she needed to stop
rearranging her child’s schedule for the parent’s needs but to fit that child
into the parent’s schedule. It may also
be a good option to be in business for one’s self in order to have more
flexibility. Although, both of these
options are viable there is the question about single moms or those who don’t
have the resources to go part time. What
happens with those parents who need to work a full time job?
There seems to be a lot of things a
working parent can expect from an employer when balancing career and life. Although, I didn’t have the most sympathetic
boss I did take advantage of the benefits of being employed. I would schedule therapy appointments, IEP
meetings and doctor appointments in advance.
This would be taken care of through paid time off. There were times when I didn’t have the paid
time off, so I did use FMLA which did guarantee that my job would be waiting
for me. It wasn’t enough for me or as I
have mentioned before Melanie Schrader.
She was fired because of the in between moments when her son’s struggle
with Autism would catch up with her at work.
I chose to quit and become a stay-at-home mom with the full knowledge
that my family was forced to make some sacrifices. What can employers do to keep productivity up
and keep employees happy? For example in
a blog written by Ilisa Cohen she highlights several employers that have gained
respect for working with their employees because they know life happens. One of the most common solutions I have seen
and read would be flex time. This
happens with my husband who works for CMR, a contractor for Cummins, in
Columbus, Indiana. When my husband needs
to go to a IEP meeting for my step-son he is allowed to leave early or take the
day off in order to attend to his son’s needs.
His employer doesn’t mind as long as his work is completed. This is not only true for Barry, my husband, but
for all employees regardless of whether they have special need children or
not. It is also for the case of Ray
Acosta, manager of food services for Baptist Health South Florida who offers a
flex schedule for employees who may need it.
Another employer who saw fit that it was more important to have a
well-adjusted employee than just a warm body is Darrell Dryer from Hallmark
Cards. He reevaluated the position of
Jayna Todisco who became a single mother and found she couldn’t work a full
time job. Her hours reduced and Mr.
Dryer never expected anything but the best from his employees. As she grew in her position she also accepted
a promotion. Darrell Dryer support
flexible working schedules. It comes to
conclusion that a flexible work schedule just might be the thing that helps not
only that parent with the special needs child, but all parents. Let’s face it the working mom is usually the
person that will be picking up the sick child or the child who has a meltdown
because Obama is President. I speak from
personal experience. My son had a
complete fit because Obama is President.
There isn’t a right answer. Do we
ask a society of capitalist to give up the bottom line or do we risk our free
society in putting more regulation in FMLA or the Disability Act? I choose to have employers be more employees
driven instead of productivity driven.
There are two reasons the most obvious is a that a happy employee
creates a happy employer. The second
reason is that the cost of replacing an employee is not cost effective. An employer can look at the examples above
and fall in line with those at Hallmark, but they can also revamp their policy
at work as Forbes suggest. Alice Walton
who wrote a blog for Forbes cited a poll from the University of Michigan that
parents not only worry about their sick child, but worry about kids returning
to child care or parent’s losing their job.
This new poll said that 62% of parents said that their child was too
sick to return to child care or school and 38% had to miss work for at least
three days. This included the 42% of
parents having to miss and stay-at-home and the 26% missing three days during
the year. Alice Walton suggests a kid’s
sick day. This would be added to the
already personal time that working parents are accustomed to in most companies. In the New Hampshire University Carsey
Institute that parents often use paid time off and vacation days. I as a parent with an Autistic child know
this all too well. I didn’t take time
off while my children were on Christmas Break because I didn’t have the time to
take off work. This kid sick day would be included with paid
time off, short or long term disability and FMLA. The article suggest not only would the parent
be happy but also the employer. The cost
of firing and replacing an employee would drop dramatically.
In conclusion, it is my hope that I have
shown that employers need to be compassionate when looking at the parent with a
special needs child. If employers used
the ideas of flex time such as Cummins and maybe institute a kid’s sick day
then it would not only benefit the parent of a special needs child but also all
other employees. I am a firm believer
that capitalism is the best economic system in the world. It is when companies add compassion to the
productivity that employers’ value will trickle down into home life for the
family.
Work
Cited
Autism Society.
“Stress-society.org” Web
Autism Speaks, “Your
Child’s Rights” AutismSpeaks.org
Ilgaz, Zeynap, “Why
Companies Should Focus on Working Parents Not Just Moms” Forbes.com 30, June
2014
Meyers, Seth Psy. D.
“Pity Parents of Special Needs Children-Part One” psychologytoday.com
4, October 2013, Web
Maple, Sandy “Mothers
of Autistic Children Suffer In the Workplace” Diacritical
Forbes.com 28, June
2010, Web
Shepeis, Carl, J. Dr.
“Parenting a Child with Autism” Diacritical workingmother.com
Schrader, Melonie
“Autism and Family Income: A Mom’s Story” Diacritical autismspeaks.org 19,
March 2012, Web
Walton G. Alice,
“Companies Would Benefit By Offering Better Kid Sick Days to Employees”
Forbes.Com 31, October 2012, Web
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