Leave the Old Life Behind

  I was in my twenties when I first discovered Paganism.  The idea of being this free spirit intrigued me and it was a form of rebellion that would not drive my parents off the edge of a cliff.  The hole I was trying to fill wasn't being filled and I did not have anywhere to turn.  When I married a man that said he was a Christian I tried my best to go to church, attend Bible Study and generally live the Christian "way".  It seemed to never be enough for me and I seemed to be trying way too hard in order to live a life that made Jesus proud of me.  The mystery is that my life was far from a life of victory.  My marriage was unhappy and in fact it was abusive.  My need for everything to be perfect and happy because that is what Christ wanted was getting in the way of victory.  It was not until I went full force back into Paganism, got divorced and married a man that loved me for me that I discovered that true meaning of being a Christian.  
     Barry and I began to go to church because we were in need of a morning routine.  We wanted to stop being lazy on a Sunday morning.  It was Barry that read an article that said married life is better when the family goes to church together.  Our spirituality was bringing more drama and pain then we thought that there needed to be in our spiritual life.  We were both slowly going towards the Christian faith because of the example of our friends.  My personal struggle was seeing that a faith in Jesus didn't mean that I had to be perfect.  The drama of everyday life was still going to be a fact, but it was how we would deal with the drama that set the old and new life apart from one another.  There is more peace.  Forward to this weekend in particular and my goal to be tolerant of other's faith.
     My favorite song writer and vocalist is part of the Pagan community.  Celia Ferran's concerts usually happen in a new age store.  It is a place that I do not shop at anymore because the superficial stuff I don't need to pray.  I only need my hear, mind and soul to pray to the one who created me.  I wanted to go see her in person again.  It had been a couple of years and I knew she had new music that she was promoting.  I got my ticket, sat down in my seat and said hello to persons that I haven't seen since I was in the community.  I noticed something that made me feel uneasy.  They didn't care that I was at the concert.  This maybe my fault because I was feeling insecure and unwilling to say hello myself.  Then I got to thinking that this was God's voice telling me that this was a life no longer for me.  The two hour concert became a one hour concert for me.  When the appropriate time came I got up and went home to see my family.  My mind kept going back and forth to the idea that I paid $15, and I should stay and get my money's worth.  What was God's will for me?  His will is for me to do what his word tells me to do and leave the old life behind because my life has been paid for by Christ's death and resurrection so that my life is made new.

2 Corinthians 5:17
"This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.  The old life is gone; a new life has begun!"

#IamaChristian

I feel pretty beaten down today after last night.  I am so tired of being sick.  It was so bad last night that I unloaded on my family.  I just cried and said things that I didn't mean. 
     What has been going through my mind?  Is this okay to be like this on occasion when I have had enough?  The answer is Yes and No.  No because I could have not called my husband frustrated.  My kids did not need to hear me cry.  I was too tired and over not being well enough to function.  Yes, because life as a Christian isn't going to always be fun time with Jesus.  Things are going to go wrong and people are going to be mad.  Life will suck on occasion.  There is a solution.
     Forgiveness.  First of all, saying your sorry to God and those you love isn't the worst thing in the world. The thing we must remember is that saying your sorry means that it isn't about you.  Those words can come without an answer in return.  Secondly, We have Jesus and if he can forgive us for being total poop butts then we can ask others for forgiveness and forgive ourselves.  Its funny how much we as humans beat ourselves up.  We need to get over it and move on. Thirdly, last night was last night. No I don't feel better and all I want to do is cuddle in my bed, but that will come.  
     In conclusion,  everything is going to be fine.  I will get better and this cookie that I am about to munch down on will taste a little sweeter.  Why?  Because Jesus is awesome and he forgives.