My Blended Blessing

My childhood was filled with the fantasy that I would meet Mr. Right, get married, have children and live happily ever after.  In my extremely high expectations I married the man that said all the right things and sweet talked me down the aisle.  In my prayers I was blind to what God was showing me.  Thinking back with the blinders off I can now see the through the charm and the lack lustered effort that was being put forth within my marriage.  I am not blaming everything on my ex-husband because there are things that I could have done and situations that I did not like that I allowed to happen.  I am being honest when I say I am not easy to live with.   We are not going to go through all that because that is the past.  The Bible has a wonderful way of keeping the past in the past because we are a new creation.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  The past is certainly in the past and I have a new life that is full of joy.

            I believe it was 2012, (I will confirm with Barry) that Barry and I met.  We met online, talked on the phone and later met for dinner.  I have another blog about the whole experience.  In order to stay on track I will keep this short.  Barry: “Wow your short. (Pats me on the head) Me: “Free meal.” (all in my head of course)  The first date was full of conversation that one should not have on the first date.  We talked about politics, religion, kids and ex-spouses.  We were awkward on the first date, but I knew that I was about to embark on something special.  As we became close as a couple it was clear that kids would soon met and be involved and our family would begin.  How did we blend this family?  The process was slow and we wanted it that way because we knew that we were on a path to marriage. 

            My first meeting his sons was with Matthew and I was blessed enough to join his birthday celebration.  I asked Barry to join myself, William and Abigail at skating party and then dinner at McDonalds.  Then we brought all four of the kids together and they were meant to be brothers and sister.  We had continued conversation about who Barry is in my eyes and what the desired outcome of the relationship we were expected.  When Barry asked me to marry him and I said yes the children were always involved in the planning as well.  They were ever part of the wedding ceremony.  Abby was my flower girl, William walked me down the aisle along with my dad; Triptyn was the ring bearer and Matthew Barry’s best man.  The wedding was perfect and as we found out the blessing became apparent in all the hard work we did to make everything work as a family.

            In the beginning Barry and I not only had to work on a marriage that is obviously always a work in progress, but we also needed to bring two families into one family.  The experience of Barry’s childhood being part of a blended family that didn’t work out well was used as an example.  We had to decide the rules, boundaries and the idea of who we were as a family. 

Rules

1.      Honor the Parental Units

2.      Respect others property and personal space

3.      No Attitude

4.      Life’s not fair. 

5.      Do your best

6.      Think about others

7.      We are a family that has chosen to be a family

8.      Help everyone to keep the space we live in clean

9.      We are not your slaves.

10.  God is in control. (Very Important)

The boundaries basically thought of as Barry and I thought it important that our bedroom was our sacred space.  The kids were allowed in when we decide to let them in when they knocked and asked permission.  This was something that as a single mom I didn’t give myself permission to allow myself to have a sacred space.  Who are we as a family?  The idea of who we were as a family came from the idea that Barry learned what needed to happen of who we thought the other’s kids were to us.  He took the lead and said that having a blended family only works if both of think of the other’s children as our own.  His kids are my kids and my kids are his kids and we are a family.  There have been trials and tribulation because when kids argue and they will it’s hard not to come to the defense of our own children.  This has slowly gotten better.  Things smooth out because of honesty.  Our faith in God and being honest with one another of how we feel, even though it may hurt is the only way to keep this family on the move towards.  It is with our faith that holds us together.  If you are a reader that is in a blended family or starting the journey remember three things that will help you through.  The blended blessing will come to maturity with God, Love and Wine.  Lots of Wine!

 

I am Worthy

This September I will be married to my husband for two years and I can honestly say that my life has been better for it.  We have blended our two families, yet it has been the spiritual that drew us together closer.  When we were married our spiritual growth became wrapped up in the pagan community.  Barry was studying Buddhism and believed that the way of science only proved that there was a God.  I grew up in the church with the belief that Jesus was the son of God, all religions were valid and nature was the evidence that God existed.  If I have to be perfectly honest with myself I have to admit that I have fun with the bonfires, drumming and dancing under the moonlight.  The mystic, hippie and we tolerate everyone crap only last for so long because once we embedded ourselves within the community we began to notice that not all things are not what they seemed.
            Barry and I love our family and country.  When we began to let our guard down the “Everyone is Welcome” sign began to look a lot like “You are Welcomed but only if you believe and think like us”.  This isn’t me because there is no filter in my brain because if I think it the spoken word has made its way to those who have chosen to listen.  Yes, in hindsight I should be more sensitive to others, but I had already read the “Everyone is Welcome” sign which gives me the permission to speak my mind.  My patient husband who often shakes his head when he is thinking “Why did she just say that?” loves me unconditionally.  Now that I have had my squirrel moment let me give you an example.  In the mist of hippie heaven I have learned that shouting proudly that “Obama sucks and I am voting for Mitt Romney” is not exactly the words one wants to say in hippieville.  If the pagan community resigns it to be tolerant isn’t my declaring statement ok to say and can’t we respectfully disagree.  I have heard Dana Loesch say on her television show that freedom of speech doesn’t give anyone the right to be offended. (Paraphrased)  
It wasn’t the pagan community that was all welcoming.  It was the Christian community that invited us to church, prayed for us and loves us.  The over whelming calm that I feel every Sunday morning is truly love of God and these wonderful people that only want to share this love.  Many of the members of the pagan community see Christianity as restrictive.  It is in those “rules” such as the Ten Commandments or the family structure laid out in Ephesians 5 that proves to be the greatest freedom.  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  What a big responsibility for the men of this nation.  God has purposefully chosen roles for each of us, so as not to wonder what we as his children are supposed to do in this life.  Not only do man and wife have their roles, but children under this protection as well.  “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1) I am not Barry’s slave.  He lifts me up and I lift him up we support one another with everything that we have to give in this family.  If we do not seek God first then one another the family will break down and be destroyed.
The pagan community only seeks to build with each individual first.  There is not a family oriented structure.  If there has to be an adult oriented festival then something is wrong.  The idea that I was not welcomed within the pagan community and that a person I considered a sister said that I was more of a “friend of convenience” set me aside drove me to tears.  My investment was no longer worth the pain.  I have read scripture after scripture that God’s truth is that I am worth it to him.  I have a husband, children and a church family that sees me as worthy.