I am FAT

There has been a movement as of late to call women who are plus size the more PC term curvy.  I applaud those women who can go out there and be loud and proud.  The person of me can not do this because the way I look and present myself reflects on my family as well.  I have curves, but I am FAT.
       I know that I am very lucky.  My husband, parents, children and most importantly God will love and accept me for who I am unconditionally.  I can not live like this anymore.  I recently had a hip replacement and if I don't change my ways then I will be back where I was a year ago.  My family nor I can do that again.  I start over once again tonight.  It is actually 1:43am and I am going to need help from God. 

Holiday with No Stress

     I love spending time with my family around the holiday.  In the past it has been absolutely stressful because the ex husband wanted everything to be hallmark picture perfect.  This was never who I needed to or wanted to be in life.  I was okay with this fact. 
     When I married Barry and blended our family we recognized that simplicity would serve us best.  Here are three things that we do our best to stick to.

1.  Remember what the holiday season is about.  God and simply being together.

2.  The meal needs to be simply and it does not need to be a lot of it.  For example, this Thanksgiving we had the traditional turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy and stuffing.  Then a couple of special request.  We also had one cook who was my husband. 

3.  Have fun and do not expect the kids to be perfect. Yes their behavior needs to be what parents would expect but it does not do anyone any good to expect perfection.  Yes we had one kid say something inappropriate and it was quietly taken care of bringing to close so that everyone could have a lovely holiday. 

In conclusion, life is too short and family is to important not to enjoy the day.  Because stress and conflict doesn't honor God nor the family.

Stress over Church

I am completely stressed out over church, yet I really don't think that I should really be all that stressed out over it.  We were going to a nice small church learning about God and our spiritual life as a family.  Then the church that we loved and looked forward to merged into another pastor's small group.  My husband and I were completely taken aback by the change its been hard to bounce back from the disappointment.  We are searching.  I have watched the online service and I am not impressed by the music or the preaching.  My hopes are that it is different in person tomorrow morning.
     I have several times thought that I should put out a Facebook poll about different churches in the area on the site of my family's school system.  I do not want to let our church family know that we are trying out new churches.  UGH!!!!  God help us

Captains of the Ship

 My daughter and son are my world, but I also have my husband.  I have learned from the lesson of a broken marriage that a husband needs to come first sometimes.  This I believe one of the issues of my first marriage that my ex-husband and I did not run the home together as a team.  We were not parenting as one because we were not seeking the needs of each other first.  I know that there are others that believe that children do come first and they do, but one can not parent without the emotional and physical wellness of the parents.  This was something that when I married Barry was top on the list.      The moment that Barry and myself started to plan for forever the talk of how the home in general ran became topic number one.  This meant how we were going to parent each of our own children, step-parenting and rearing the children as a whole would come into play.  Barry likened this crazy wonderful experience to a ship.  We were the captains and we came first.  I can hear the more "liberal" parents out there, "What about the children?" well if Barry and I are not at our best then the ship (the family) goes down.  Barry and I need to take care of our emotional and physical needs first and this means taking over letting the other parent bow out for the night on occasion.  Yes there are times when William, Abby, Triptyn or Matthew might need someone to say, "We are doing what this kid wants to do."  There are times we need to let the children go making it possible for our needs to be met.
     The best example I can give you is the other night when Abby had her Girl Scout bridging.  She wanted to go, but we felt that we needed to be at small group at church.  The church that we call home is changing and we felt that we needed to be at small group making sure we felt comfortable before our family made the change with the church.  I had to allow myself the freedom to know that it is ok for her father to take her to an event by himself.  Also, I do not have to be there for absolutely everything.  She is a big girl and can handle it.  I chose what Barry needed me to do.  We went to small group finding out that the new change is worth the risk.  Things might turn out ok in the end.  I was scared that Abby would be hurt or upset by me not going to the ceremony.  The fact is that she was perfectly fine and had fun with her dad and brother.  As parents we at times have to put each other first and let the kids do what they need to do to fly on their own.  This is also good for single moms who need to find that much needed break.  Parents are the captains of their ship and they will bring their ship over the highest wave reaching calmer waters. 

1 Samuel 17

     We have been through some overwhelming issues as a country and as American families.  One of my favorite radio/TV show host has started a movement for families and the country to face the challenges the country is facing within the next few years not only with faith, but also with the same policy of nonviolence, compassion and prayer as Dr. Martin Luther King seemed to do in the Civil Rights movement.  This movement is to begin on August 28, 2015, meeting in Birmingham, Alabama.  Although, my family and I can not attend I am been diligently participation by the forty day challenge of reading, studying and praying through the Bible passages along with a question and devotional that Glenn post to his Facebook page.  This has lifted my faith in God to where I can see the spiritual influence that has personally effected my life. 
     This week in particular has been rather rough because I have had to accept that life isn't going to always be on the straight and narrow just because I have done the right thing.  For example, my financial aid for school isn't always going to be there for me to use.  I went to the financial aid office to hopefully get something straightened out.  My emotions were running rampant and I could hardly get the words to come out of my mouth.  What I was forgetting was that God is in control and my character was being tested?  I was failing.  When I got home through prayer I was able to concentrate on my next move then again I always took longer than most to learn lesson that I am being taught.  What was the lesson?  It was to remember that all things happen for a reason and everything will be ok.  It took another round of where is my financial aid on the phone tears to get to this point, yet I am ok with whatever happens next week.  I am here at this point because of 1 Samuel 17.  The story where David defeated the Philistine.  David was up against a giant.  If we put this in my experience where financial aid is the giant, philistine army is Ivy Tech and I play the role of David the small kid with a sling shot.  I don't have a sling shot and I don't have a army.  This is where I was wrong.
     I was reading 1 Samuel 17, remembering that my army is my family always supporting and loving.  Who is supporting us all making away for the blessing that we are about to receive.  Its God.  It was David's faith in a living God that made it possible to defeat the giant. It is with my family's love and support created by the living God that will help me defeat my giant of the emotion connected to the idea of going to school this semester.  I may not attend next week or the entire semester, but that's ok.  There is a reason and I will accept God's will.

What the FUCK!!!!

     My daughter is a tomboy.  She likes to watch Avengers, Jurassic World and Dr. Who (not that it's a boy show).  These paticular shows usually attract boys.  She is also a fan of anything that is shiny, sparkles and fluffy and cute. All of this gender neutral talk is really confusing me as to why this is a thing.  I write this after hearing a story on the Today Show that highlighted Target's new marketing project to take down the boy and girl toy aisles. Why?  I will tell you why because one whiney little bitch of a mom decided that she couldn't pull up her big girl panties and walk down the aisle that says Girl building toys.  Come on!  I wouldn't be able to find the girl Lego toys if it weren't for the signs.  When did we become so politically correct that it is bleeding into daily life?  What else will we see and witness?  There are some things that are just wrong.  For example, Donald Trump attacking Megyn Kelly because she asked a valid question is wrong.  Calling people an offensive name because of their race is wrong.  The KKK is wrong.  Islamic Terrorism is wrong.  The signs that tell us where the boy and girl toys is not offensive.  How else am I going to try to find what my tomboy daughter needs?  Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK?

Yes I tweeted the mom who was offended by the girl aisle.

https://twitter.com/NatalieFLee/status/630718354341298176

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/style-blog/wp/2015/08/09/target-will-stop-separating-toys-and-bedding-into-girls-and-boys-sections/

My Blended Blessing

My childhood was filled with the fantasy that I would meet Mr. Right, get married, have children and live happily ever after.  In my extremely high expectations I married the man that said all the right things and sweet talked me down the aisle.  In my prayers I was blind to what God was showing me.  Thinking back with the blinders off I can now see the through the charm and the lack lustered effort that was being put forth within my marriage.  I am not blaming everything on my ex-husband because there are things that I could have done and situations that I did not like that I allowed to happen.  I am being honest when I say I am not easy to live with.   We are not going to go through all that because that is the past.  The Bible has a wonderful way of keeping the past in the past because we are a new creation.  “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).  The past is certainly in the past and I have a new life that is full of joy.

            I believe it was 2012, (I will confirm with Barry) that Barry and I met.  We met online, talked on the phone and later met for dinner.  I have another blog about the whole experience.  In order to stay on track I will keep this short.  Barry: “Wow your short. (Pats me on the head) Me: “Free meal.” (all in my head of course)  The first date was full of conversation that one should not have on the first date.  We talked about politics, religion, kids and ex-spouses.  We were awkward on the first date, but I knew that I was about to embark on something special.  As we became close as a couple it was clear that kids would soon met and be involved and our family would begin.  How did we blend this family?  The process was slow and we wanted it that way because we knew that we were on a path to marriage. 

            My first meeting his sons was with Matthew and I was blessed enough to join his birthday celebration.  I asked Barry to join myself, William and Abigail at skating party and then dinner at McDonalds.  Then we brought all four of the kids together and they were meant to be brothers and sister.  We had continued conversation about who Barry is in my eyes and what the desired outcome of the relationship we were expected.  When Barry asked me to marry him and I said yes the children were always involved in the planning as well.  They were ever part of the wedding ceremony.  Abby was my flower girl, William walked me down the aisle along with my dad; Triptyn was the ring bearer and Matthew Barry’s best man.  The wedding was perfect and as we found out the blessing became apparent in all the hard work we did to make everything work as a family.

            In the beginning Barry and I not only had to work on a marriage that is obviously always a work in progress, but we also needed to bring two families into one family.  The experience of Barry’s childhood being part of a blended family that didn’t work out well was used as an example.  We had to decide the rules, boundaries and the idea of who we were as a family. 

Rules

1.      Honor the Parental Units

2.      Respect others property and personal space

3.      No Attitude

4.      Life’s not fair. 

5.      Do your best

6.      Think about others

7.      We are a family that has chosen to be a family

8.      Help everyone to keep the space we live in clean

9.      We are not your slaves.

10.  God is in control. (Very Important)

The boundaries basically thought of as Barry and I thought it important that our bedroom was our sacred space.  The kids were allowed in when we decide to let them in when they knocked and asked permission.  This was something that as a single mom I didn’t give myself permission to allow myself to have a sacred space.  Who are we as a family?  The idea of who we were as a family came from the idea that Barry learned what needed to happen of who we thought the other’s kids were to us.  He took the lead and said that having a blended family only works if both of think of the other’s children as our own.  His kids are my kids and my kids are his kids and we are a family.  There have been trials and tribulation because when kids argue and they will it’s hard not to come to the defense of our own children.  This has slowly gotten better.  Things smooth out because of honesty.  Our faith in God and being honest with one another of how we feel, even though it may hurt is the only way to keep this family on the move towards.  It is with our faith that holds us together.  If you are a reader that is in a blended family or starting the journey remember three things that will help you through.  The blended blessing will come to maturity with God, Love and Wine.  Lots of Wine!

 

I am Worthy

This September I will be married to my husband for two years and I can honestly say that my life has been better for it.  We have blended our two families, yet it has been the spiritual that drew us together closer.  When we were married our spiritual growth became wrapped up in the pagan community.  Barry was studying Buddhism and believed that the way of science only proved that there was a God.  I grew up in the church with the belief that Jesus was the son of God, all religions were valid and nature was the evidence that God existed.  If I have to be perfectly honest with myself I have to admit that I have fun with the bonfires, drumming and dancing under the moonlight.  The mystic, hippie and we tolerate everyone crap only last for so long because once we embedded ourselves within the community we began to notice that not all things are not what they seemed.
            Barry and I love our family and country.  When we began to let our guard down the “Everyone is Welcome” sign began to look a lot like “You are Welcomed but only if you believe and think like us”.  This isn’t me because there is no filter in my brain because if I think it the spoken word has made its way to those who have chosen to listen.  Yes, in hindsight I should be more sensitive to others, but I had already read the “Everyone is Welcome” sign which gives me the permission to speak my mind.  My patient husband who often shakes his head when he is thinking “Why did she just say that?” loves me unconditionally.  Now that I have had my squirrel moment let me give you an example.  In the mist of hippie heaven I have learned that shouting proudly that “Obama sucks and I am voting for Mitt Romney” is not exactly the words one wants to say in hippieville.  If the pagan community resigns it to be tolerant isn’t my declaring statement ok to say and can’t we respectfully disagree.  I have heard Dana Loesch say on her television show that freedom of speech doesn’t give anyone the right to be offended. (Paraphrased)  
It wasn’t the pagan community that was all welcoming.  It was the Christian community that invited us to church, prayed for us and loves us.  The over whelming calm that I feel every Sunday morning is truly love of God and these wonderful people that only want to share this love.  Many of the members of the pagan community see Christianity as restrictive.  It is in those “rules” such as the Ten Commandments or the family structure laid out in Ephesians 5 that proves to be the greatest freedom.  “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.”  What a big responsibility for the men of this nation.  God has purposefully chosen roles for each of us, so as not to wonder what we as his children are supposed to do in this life.  Not only do man and wife have their roles, but children under this protection as well.  “Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1) I am not Barry’s slave.  He lifts me up and I lift him up we support one another with everything that we have to give in this family.  If we do not seek God first then one another the family will break down and be destroyed.
The pagan community only seeks to build with each individual first.  There is not a family oriented structure.  If there has to be an adult oriented festival then something is wrong.  The idea that I was not welcomed within the pagan community and that a person I considered a sister said that I was more of a “friend of convenience” set me aside drove me to tears.  My investment was no longer worth the pain.  I have read scripture after scripture that God’s truth is that I am worth it to him.  I have a husband, children and a church family that sees me as worthy.